Bed bugs, Emus, and flakes- O My!

Hi y'all, Been around this block before, done wanna do it no more....
  I went to the Island of Isla Vista recently to check out some rent/trade situations: I posted for gardening, tutoring, pet- sitting in exchange for a room till I begin teaching in  the fall. So I met an old broad who was sweet and tuff and owned outright 3 acres with avos, citrus trees, stone fruit, flowers, and a lovely German Shepherd whom I bonded with immediately. "You're good with animals," she told me----She took me around the property outlining what "gardening"  she wanted for the trade. When we sat in a bench in the sun, and she asked, "well how do you feel about chainsaws?"  I knew this was not going to be a situation that was gonna work... Pruning twenty avo trees Gee, I think that would be specialized work for an arborist or an orchardist...
    The second gal wanted me to assist with "Uncle" who has a little dementia.  She and hubby took me and Uncle to the July 4th parade in Santa Barbara (Neat!) and out to eat at Scarpuccis (I was so sick the next day...) afterward.  Me and Uncle really hit it off, but lady was not happy when he suggested I sit on his lap for the ride home. Bless his 80 year old heart! He still has an eye for beauty (Thank you, thank you very much).  Anyway I received this glowing email-----  oh hadn't it been fun, they all really liked me, she felt so comfortable around me and get this last line "It will happen" as in yes , I am going to get a new place to live!! Three days later I heard on my cell uncle had worsened,  they were putting him in a home, and hey! they would not be needing me after all,,,,,Never get your hopes all the way up is what I say.
     The last rent exchange situation was a man from Iran living in the beautiful Santa Ynez Valley ---HIS post said:  free rent in exchange for household duties and light office work on HIS 8 acre ranch ---so I drove all the way out there.  OMG,,, Two ostriches, 8 emus, 2 miniature horses, and a flock of friggin chickens later I was on the road back north---gee dude you need to learn how to write an honest ad, like house and officework PLUS feeding 2 (and they are very very tall) ostriches, 8 emus, 2 miniature horses etc.
    So  my money is dribbling away, 4 situations crashed and burned, it was nice to get away on a little vacation, but now I am Officially Homeless yuck, bed bugs, army cots, cigarette smokers, and few crumbs of hope...Pray for me people-- I need a big time miracle!!!!! Yours, wayward sub...
And a big hale and hearty Thank you to Jimmy and Amanda two Cal Poly students.