Beauty and Ashes...

Heard Joyce Meyers give her personal story on her sermon tv show this morning.  I needed to hear it and her last words to all of us tv viewers was "don't give up."

     My faith has been sorely tested of late, this whole year 2011 always seems such a wash--Meeting new friends has been so sweet tho---It has been a constant source of beauty for me thru out---Thank you to my old and new friends>>>>Debbie with the golden eyes who gave me a sweet hug this morning at Vons. >>>> Sally who gave me words of encouragement at the one stop center..."You are to be commended,"  she expressed,,,,for being here every day, plugging away, trying not to let this young-sounding /new tennis elbow/ going -beyond- middle- age freighter  from going under.  And the lovely letter from dear SP---Thank you my dear!!
     I can't let my smile go down.   I must push and press and pop up again and again and again above so many (yes it is true) ashes, but beyond and above the ashes there is so very much beauty....
    So at this special being -with -your -loved -ones time it is good to think of sweet memories past, sweet people in the world, sweet creatures, and blessed birds, a roof over my head, a gorgeous central coast sunny day,  a little vegetarian food,  and a little frolic....
    Whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is true ....think about these things.....From St. Paul

And a big fat  " Happy Tofu Turkey Day"  to everyone!!!!

Gotta Let Go

Favorite Boots---Bye Bye
Favorite Fabric Stash---Fare Thee Well
Journal Pages, Pics, and Poems---Hasta La Vista Baby
Nice Blue Plate
Pretty Little Mug---Auf Wiedersehan
Art Iv'e made,
Crafts I crave---Dump and run and say Adieu
Book after Book after Book---Buh Bye
Clothes and Shoes and Socks ---Adios

Not enough Money to stay
What once I caught
I must now Release---
Gotta run
Gotta Let Go

Home Sweet Home---for K

91 Days in hell for me, homeless is prison,
You're never free
So: hard work, grueling drive, over fog-stricken grade
Nowhere to hide
90 miles one day, 80 the next
Oh my knee, Oh  my leg, Oh my neck
Sacrificed peace, my sleep, and back
After a month--- one month's rent-
What a laugh...........
Barely eeking a way out........................................
At the end of my rope,
God threw me a line

A silver haired sailor
Came to my rescue
A craigslist ad of mine
Caught his angelic eye
For 400 dollars I'm in prime coastal
With a view to the sea
All utilities included
Who would believe?

K you are grand , the best thing that's happened
in this whole dreadful year (except for SP!)
Teaching 5th tomorrow so I know I can stay
Until mid -December
A home sweet home
I will always remember.

On a Positive Note-5th Grader Pays It Forward

     Taught 1st grade Friday.  Great group!!  One boy left his lunchbox on the grass after lunch then put it in his backpack.  Getting backpacks to pack up and go home he discovered (gasp)  it was all just covered in swarming (halloweenie) ants!!  I had him dump most of the food, rinse out the lunchbox, and told him to zip the back pack closed.  I was really impressed with this kid's calm under a (mini) crisis.
     He showed me a half of a sand dollar, kind of tinted tourquoise.
     "This is gonna get me thru," he said, fondly grasping the shell.  As we walked over to the bus line it turns out another first grader ( a tiny little girl) took his shell,  and he was getting upset now.    
     "You have to give it back," I told her.
     "I gave it to an older kid,"  she replied looking up with big blue eyes.  
     "Well we will have to find something else for you," I said as a little group of kids gathered around. 
     "A rock?" someone suggested; no he did not want a rock...(Who would!)
     "How about a green apple scented marker?"  a 5th grade girl suggested. His face brightened.  She handed it to him.    It was all good again. 
     "That was really kind of you," I said.  She smiled.

Homeless Halloween (To S.P.)

Ghouls and Ghastly Images
Stumbling in the Dark
Dicks and Foul-Mouthed Women
Dirty Barefoot Farts

Crumbums, Goblins, Werewolves
Sneaking round the Door
Skank Bipolar Mummies
Hound their brooding hoarde

Chips continually Falling
From Shoulders Weak and Frail
Recovered and Recovering
While some shove off to Jail

Pity the Ghosts and Witches
The Pirates and their Crew
Pity our Poor Society
That still thinks
Well --screw You!

Halloween Season

Homeless on Deranged
Where single moms, kids, vets, disabled, poverty-stricken, and mentally ill people kinda-sorta play
Where sometimes is heard an encouraging word
And the skies are misty, foggy, gloomy, too hot, too cold,
Sunshiney all day.

Up from the grave the goblin came
Midnight rambling in the hall
One A.M. the stretcher came
And took away the troubled soul

Up from the ground
Came the devilish thief
Steely cold hand underneath my face
Dead to the world, not worldly things
From this my halloween is made

The Lord is My Shepherd, I shall not.....

A Poem- Darn if God Ain't Busy

Outsider Chick   Never have belonged
Feel a little weak   Trying to be strong
Sun and shadow   Hill and valley
When your'e down and dark
Try to rally

Limp flag hangin'  Thick oak standing
Red rose bloomin'
Ain't it a dandy

How I miss a garden, home, and flowers
Since I been homeless
Got nothin' but hours

Pink rose trees   Orange gladiolas
Dark red carnations    Purple agapanthus

Wish it were my garden
Ha Ha Ha
Ring around the toilet bowl
Public tra la la

Buddha with his arms raised
Laughin' at me
Jesus on his golden cloud
Tee Hee Hee

Darn if God ain't busy
Patching pearly gates
Forgot about my miracle
Guess I gotta wait

Shirt Off His Back

The weather here has been more October than High Summer,,,Gorgeous by the lake, turtles, osprey, red-headed woodpeckers, the graceful stately white swan.  But it has been bloody cold in the mornings.  So I was scrounging around for a hoodie because when I left the most  boring town in the universe I had packed all my winter away thinking, hey it is shorts and flip-flops!!
 So I met a sweet man, a Christian who walks the walk, talks the Bible and Jesus but truly emulates Christ: doesn't just pay a phony holy roller lipservice.  I know HR's --I have lived with quite a few since I lost G and a real home and have been on the carousel of twisted stranger roommates....
Anyway, this man came across my path.  And I could not find a hoodie and he said I wil give you mine, and He took off his gorgeous white LOVE hoodie and gave it to me.
   The hoodie was from Hume Lake in the Sierras and has a special meaning attached to it. A young Christian  man who believed most strongly in the Lord had leukemia off and on for his entire childhood complete with bone marrow transplants etc.  And so he finally said enough with these painful treatments that are not inevitably working and decided to travel around, in his early 20s witnessing for Christ. His friends and family raised $$$$ for him and apparently sold this lovely LOVE hoodie to generate funds for his travels.  The young man did go around witnessing in his final part of life, sadly he did succomb to his deathly leukemia.  So it is a special special hoodie for me and I will cherish it always.  Thank you to Luke and to the young man Clayton who courageously battled cancer.  Thank you for your sweet and Christlike spirits.

Bed bugs, Emus, and flakes- O My!

Hi y'all, Been around this block before, done wanna do it no more....
  I went to the Island of Isla Vista recently to check out some rent/trade situations: I posted for gardening, tutoring, pet- sitting in exchange for a room till I begin teaching in  the fall. So I met an old broad who was sweet and tuff and owned outright 3 acres with avos, citrus trees, stone fruit, flowers, and a lovely German Shepherd whom I bonded with immediately. "You're good with animals," she told me----She took me around the property outlining what "gardening"  she wanted for the trade. When we sat in a bench in the sun, and she asked, "well how do you feel about chainsaws?"  I knew this was not going to be a situation that was gonna work... Pruning twenty avo trees Gee, I think that would be specialized work for an arborist or an orchardist...
    The second gal wanted me to assist with "Uncle" who has a little dementia.  She and hubby took me and Uncle to the July 4th parade in Santa Barbara (Neat!) and out to eat at Scarpuccis (I was so sick the next day...) afterward.  Me and Uncle really hit it off, but lady was not happy when he suggested I sit on his lap for the ride home. Bless his 80 year old heart! He still has an eye for beauty (Thank you, thank you very much).  Anyway I received this glowing email-----  oh hadn't it been fun, they all really liked me, she felt so comfortable around me and get this last line "It will happen" as in yes , I am going to get a new place to live!! Three days later I heard on my cell uncle had worsened,  they were putting him in a home, and hey! they would not be needing me after all,,,,,Never get your hopes all the way up is what I say.
     The last rent exchange situation was a man from Iran living in the beautiful Santa Ynez Valley ---HIS post said:  free rent in exchange for household duties and light office work on HIS 8 acre ranch ---so I drove all the way out there.  OMG,,, Two ostriches, 8 emus, 2 miniature horses, and a flock of friggin chickens later I was on the road back north---gee dude you need to learn how to write an honest ad, like house and officework PLUS feeding 2 (and they are very very tall) ostriches, 8 emus, 2 miniature horses etc.
    So  my money is dribbling away, 4 situations crashed and burned, it was nice to get away on a little vacation, but now I am Officially Homeless yuck, bed bugs, army cots, cigarette smokers, and few crumbs of hope...Pray for me people-- I need a big time miracle!!!!! Yours, wayward sub...
And a big hale and hearty Thank you to Jimmy and Amanda two Cal Poly students. 

New Nursery Rhymes for Same Ole Sub Summer

Hey diddle diddle a flake in the middle rich asses over the moon
The little sub grinned to see the new shelter- and the creep ran away with the fool.

No good deed goes unpunished

Conversation with God is on hold till a miracle occurs.

Ashes, ashes we all fall down
Except all the flakes, lowlifes, schemers, and liars
Except all the backstabbers, prune faced do goodies, and holy rollers,
They all get 40 acres and a mule
 
Life, liberty, and the pursuit of a homeless shelter.

Subbie, subbie quite contrary
How doesn't your garden grow?
No money trees, no subsidies, no pretty paychecks all in a row

With Suns and Moons and Stars All Over the Place

What I need to remember is that I had a whole world, an entire universe before this past decade.----With a lover/best friend, wonderful dogs, gardens, an awesome parrot and parakeet, a home--Yes--and even families, as annoying sometimes as they were: sisters, cousins, a wise old auntie, my dear Mother and Father.  I had trips, and a few gifts and houseplants, strength and stamina for hike after glorious hike....The mind-boggling Southwest with its geologic span of time and all the creatures living there: wild horses, ancient tortoises, mountain goats, chuckwallas, and those birds Oh My!   Neverending sunsets, shining blue mountains, sheets of wildflowers and palisades of earth in brilliant tones of red, violet, creme, orange, striated, ancient, with petroglphs and rock carvings.  Links to historic tribal paths, the swirling ancient ones; I could hear their murmurings in the deep velvet black and starry lit sky.   And quiet so intense I cried.
Magic fish in a transitory stream and bushes of flame and feathery wisps of wishes and golden dreams of yore for those were our last halcyon days together in our youth and our hearts, fingers, eyes, and souls as one, or three with our dear black and red dogs and we were a wildly spinning handholding secret language  world unto ourselves with comets, and moons, and suns, and stars.   And I have to keep remembering I once had a home, I once had a home,... and just like Dorothy,  I can click a few times in my mind and return home.

Trying for a Better Life

Hi All you no readers:  I have not gone public because I do not want all the assorted spammers, pervs, flakes and liars tying up my email. If there is another way to go public, later if I have found a new place to live, well...................    
     These are some of the people who have been responding to my post on craigslist for lower $ plus a partial trade, because I can no longer afford market rent now that school is out for summer:

1.   A trade and 300 to a single mom.  They decided I was too old.  2. A response for a trailer in exchange for  babysitting/entertain 3 preteen girls---   great!!!---At a nudist resort---Not Great!!  3. Well of course even tho my ad says no single men there have been at least ten single men willing to trade a room (in their no doubt great, huge, paid- for home) in exchange for a little whoring on my part.  This is very depressing.  4. A woman who smokes dope and wanted me to petsit her dogs while she goes on an internship to learn about medical marijuana in the Bay area---I think this was totally bogus, because I later got spam from her.  5. Caretaker to a rich couple with a custom built home overlooking the vast expanse of ocean---their dogs loved me, but I came in 4th ---or lower.
     I am sure I could go on---,  but for now in this evening I will watch Zorba the Greek ---Do not think I ever saw this classic which won a few Academy awards.   Last night I saw the two astounding actors Jon Voight and Dustin Hoffman in Midnight Cowboy....A real classic....with a homeless theme.......Bye 4 now-----
      WAYFARING SUB

Home, Homeless-- I'm sorry a bit of a rant today

Ok So the holiday is over, thk God.  It is tons of people and  racer-speeders on the road , and this holiday- Memorial Day, always means that the end of the school year is just around,  lurking just around, foreboding this year, just around my corner....
     I love America, I said a prayer for the Vets, decorated my lil old car with R,W&B on the rear dash.   Tried to get a new place to live (unsuccessfully)---Why?   Because even tho I have worked as a sub for one year I neither got enough work nor was paid enough when I did to put the 2500.00 by that I need to get thru the summer. My June check is less than my rent amount!! Hey hey!! I am just teaching your kids!! Why help with a little lower rent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      O ya, I know, think positive, maybe I will get one of those non-existent jobs that are not out there to see me thru till the fall when I can start this mess all over again...
     Don't think so. At least not around the affluent effluent Middle Kingdom  I am beyond bored widdit.  I miss the tall trees, the rivers, and waterways, the solitude in the fragrant scented pines of the northwest.  I have paid a huge price to live in the sunny rusty golden state after relocating in what actually took several attempts.    So I can pay triple everything and make two thirds less of a wage than I did over the border.  Oh well like Marilyn Monroe said in "Some like it hot "  ----   "That's the story of my life---I always get the fuzzy end of the loolipop." or lolly poop or doolally............................................................

Happy BD to My First Beautiful Golden Girl

Sweet lil blackbirds down in the street
Love to hear your morning song
Cheep, Cheep, Cheep

     Today is my late mother's birthday and I miss her so very much. She was my original golden girl, an Irish-Scottish lass with a fiery heart and a bird song soul/////She was the ultimate homemaker mom ala 1950s, an outstanding cook, a devoted wife, an aspiring woman first of the generation to seek work outside the home.
     Of course that was not until the turbulent 60s during the feminist revolution.  My mother stepped out into the workforce and I symbolically burned my bra ( no connection!.)  Once I felt G's velour shirt against my skin I never again wore one. ( a little side note)
     Anyway, I love you, admire you, bless and praise you for your wit, your heroic spirit, your vim and tenacity---She was one strong broad, a tough cookie, a straight arrow, and an awesome woman.  Happy BD to my beautiful pearl, to you in the heavens, and to my late Pops, and sweet little G-----I will see you all, God knows when---on the other side.

PS:  Happiest of 63rd birthdays to another golden girl:  Stevie Nicks---Long may she reign!

The Eye of The Storm

Good Morning World:  How are you??? Here is a partial "Word List"   for May, 2011:
Fun, park, bird song, beauty, sweet people, music, out of the pothole loop------
Blocks, detours springboards,
"Twisted, crumpled, chunks of metal."  Msn.com May 23, 2011-----------------

     On Nightly News last night a boomer age couple were interviewed. They had been spared from the violent tornado which hit Joplin, Missouri yesterday. "The Lord's Prayer saw us through," the wife said
     "I bet I must have repeated it 100 times. That's all that got us through."...
     "They just came by and told us that the house isn't structurally sound and we're gonna have to leave."

     I know how devastation feels.  Not from a natural disaster ( and  man cannot control the Mother Earth ). But I know heartbreak, loss, betrayal, and grief.  I have known the long, dark night of the soul.  I have been without a home. I can empathathize.  I have started over- many, many times.  Felt despondent at times. And yet......
      We humans have an indefinable will to go on, to keep fighting, to not give up, to try and try and try yet again--- to not to lose hope, to not lose faith.
     "Dazed,stunned, confused."  Words of a reporter describing people's reactions.  Word lists of now.  Harsh and never- ending now, all our circumstances can seem.

 The eye of the storm  over all.  Around the globe, not just Joplin, Pakistan, Iran, Palestine, not just Mexico, Columbia, or Iceland.  We're all in it---whirling, twirling, falling, running, getting up once more.  I have in my sub bag I carry with me when I teach,  a little Japanese saying,  something like- fall 7 times, get up eight.  
     Here is to the world my hope- for winging it thru the eye of the storm, on this krazy, krazy, wild Mother Earth of ours, that we all should see peace and a glimmer, a shimmer of beauty to sustain us to the end.

    And don't forget-- if you are able, to keep a spare blanket and  a little pillow for your loved ones, dental floss, and perhaps, some  good books near by, Always..............................................wayfaringsub........................... 

Young and homeless in SLO County - Local - SanLuisObispo.com

Young and homeless in SLO County - Local - SanLuisObispo.com

New 2011 Blog

First off: Hi if you are reading, I am trying to post  publicly, have to use a public computer to print out the pages of instruction on how to do this as I do not have a printer and I soon will have NO PLACE TO LIVE!!!!!!

 2nd: I am NOT following the Blog: South Bay Film Shoot, but do not know how to remove it, Nothing against the site, it is not relevant to my blog.

Thirdly: Hi -how are any of you today? Healthy and happy,,,, I could hope and dream and wish it to be so....
     Here on the sunny, clear, and cool Central  California Coast, one year from my first post a year ago I am reflecting back on just what an unsuccessful year this has been.  I no longer live near  the sweet mocking bird---I gave that living situation up  in what turned out to be a fruitless quest to relocate to LAand/or Orange Counties and WOW what an experience  that turned out to be...I can leave it at that,  Maybe the phrase you can't go home again, for me, really is true.
     I grew up near Knotts Berry Farm in one of the many new subdivisions built in the middle of the 20th century.  Southern Calif in the 50s and 60s was basically, from my childhood perspective, paradise on earth.  The climate was ideal, warm and sunny.   The streets were safe, you could, as a teenager go out till midnight and never fear for your safety.  Nightstalkers, gangs, and Amber Alerts --these were non-existent when I grew up. Back then, it truly was "it's all good" and "no worries," two current-day phrases not in usage back then. I could, as a wee girl, walk miles during the day to the outdoor shopping center.  "Malls"  had not yet been invented in Southern Calif,  that  structure/community/ catch-all and be-all was invented during my teen years.

  Yes, I am an aging boomer (never unfortunately  a yuppie- upwardly mobile boomer I sometimes think). I was an original flower child, I prefer that turn of words, altho I was also an official hippie. There are a lot of stories there, perhaps in another future, to be written...

 I am still alive, unlike many of my generation.   I really am grateful to be alive, yes it is a blessing, a gratitude..... altho I have been wondering, trying for, earnestly seeking, a reason, a purpose, a way of being fully alive that I  still have not found for myself.  What is my destiny? Will it ever,ever be fulfilled?  I have seen so many of my gifts and talents lie so dormant thru so many decades now, well specifically this past decade of my life, my fifties......Perhaps my purpose is merely to survive being alive in this crazy-spinning universe of now.
    For any of you young people out there, believe me when I tell you---- choices you make in your teens today can impact your life ----sometimes without you knowing, sometimes with the most uplifted of spirits, the most worthy intentions for good, for peace, for justice, for love, for beauty, and freedom, yes my dear younger generations, I am afraid, sometimes, thru no fault or maybe sometimes your fault, thru your youthful blindness, fate, God, or destiny, yes,  things in  your life can rearrange, twist, hang you out in the winds of change, like a feather, floating,spinning, arriving,  in all the glorious sun-warmed,  it's - a- wonderful life -but I wish it coulda been shoulda been better breeze-----------